Families spend months planning for dropping off their university students for their first semester on move-in day, but almost none of that preparation covers the week after – and the emotional jolt for the whole family.

Andrew Slater, director of the Ferris State University’s Personal Counseling Center and Anti-Violence Prevention Programming, said the transition hits harder than students expect the first days run in every direction.

He described the 72 hours after the family leaves as grief, fear, excitement, feeling lost and overwhelmed, then excitement again – which is normal.

October is the center's busiest month. By then the first failed test, the first breakup and the first cold week have landed together, and students who feel behind are measuring themselves against a performance.

"It's not any one specific thing," Slater said. "It's all of the things changing all at once."

His advice for students throughout this transition:

• Sleep, eat, move. Slater says students can protect their mental health with those three basics before they ever need a counselor. That means saying no to all-nighters, eating regular meals and finding ways to move around, which can be as modest as taking the long way across campus.
• Put your week on paper. Build a written weekly schedule that blocks out class time, club meetings and, deliberately, study hours so that it builds a routine.
• Go to something. Keep going. Slater encourages students to point students towards student organizations and on-campus events, such as Founder’s Day, since the first weeks are the easiest time to walk into a room cold. "Everybody is in the same boat," Slater said. "Everyone's looking to make friends. Everybody's from somewhere else."
• Learn one breathing exercise now. Slater recommends box breathing: in for four seconds, hold four, out four, hold four. Repeat five to eight minutes. He also uses a grounding count -- name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, then one statement that you will be all right.
• Fill out the paperwork before you need it. Slater said Ferris State students should not wait until they are struggling to make contact. The center's two intake forms take about 10 minutes to complete through the Healthy Dawg portal, and they stay good for the full academic year. Students who never call back lose nothing.

Slater’s advice for families on their end:

• Validate. Don't rescue. Slater, a parent himself, said the most common mistake comes from good intentions. The midnight phone call tempts families to "swoop in to save” and fix it fast. While the impulse is understandable, Slater said the pattern is not sustainable. He explained the way a family supports a student changes during college, and being more limited in the moment is not a reason to step back entirely. Students still need to know the support is there while they work through new challenges on their own.
• Have the hard conversation before you drive away. Slater urged families to hold one direct conversation about change and transition rather than a checklist, and to raise the hard subject they have been avoiding -- a medication routine, a diagnosis, a student who unravels without structure.
• Be the accountability text. Along with validation, Slater said offering to be an accountability check is just as helpful. One example: "Just text me when you get everything done at the end of the day, and I'll cheer for you and I'll send you a meme.”
• Set it up early. Academic accommodations and counseling paperwork both work better before a crisis than during one.
• Know what the office can tell you. Staff will listen to anything a parent shares and route it to the right people. Federal privacy law bars them from confirming a student is a client or discussing treatment. "I am here to listen and will ensure the info gets to the right person," Slater said.

Missing home, grieving high school and feeling anxious in new rooms all fall inside normal, he said. Constant panic attacks, sleeping through class, stopping meals and not leaving a residence hall do not. Slater added students in such a gradual decline often lose sight of it.

"If it's starting to mess with your ability to be functional, to be successful here, you should do something," he said.

Safety warrants an immediate call -- suicidal thoughts, or a student who does not feel safe with a roommate. Families can call the center, the Dean of Student Life office or the Department of Public Safety, which conducts well checks.

Ferris State University students can see a licensed counselor for free, with no session limits and no formal wait list. The Personal Counseling Center opens the week they move in.

The Personal Counseling Center is at 1019 Campus Drive, open weekdays from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and closed from noon to 1 p.m. Call (231) 591-5968 or email thepcc@ferris.edu. A walk-in hour runs at 3 p.m. every weekday for students in crisis. Ferris State also staffs a talk line at (231) 591-HELP (4357) around the clock, every day, with licensed clinicians. Students do not need to be in crisis to call it.

Counseling runs in person or virtually, and students may request a specific counselor. Most finish in four to seven sessions, or about a month. Seven clinicians work at Big Rapids, and one serves the Grand Rapids campus.

"I don't want your mental health to be the thing that stops you from being successful," Slater said. "College is hard enough. Don't let your mental health be the thing that makes it harder."

_{Release and photo courtesy of Ferris State University.}